The Cost of Regret: Avoiding Consequences or Recognizing them Beforehand?

"Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk to you again." Old friend? The time we spent together might suggest otherwise, but we were not exactly friends. Nonetheless, we were not complete strangers to each other.

A friend is someone that we can rely on. To speak most intimate details of oneself with. Laugh. Cry. Joke. Inspire. Share desires, hope, problems and dillemas. What do you think I should do? Reason and weigh the proverbial; fork in the road. If I go left; result? What happens if I go right; result? The most important people in my world did and always have done just that. Support, inspire, educate and most of all love me.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I crossed the proverbial 'line.' Like many of you, alcohol was a way for me to celebrate, to recognize a tough day at work, or to toast to success. But then things changed. Alcohol became my go-to solution for dealing with challenges, trauma, and grief, as well as a means of celebration. It became my coping mechanism, a way to escape fear and anxiety, and to numb myself from reality. I would dress up, put on a brave face, and carry on, repeating this pattern. Unfortunately, just like many others, alcohol, which was once a solution, turned into the problem for me. Case in point, the solution/problem caused unrest, resentment, hurt feelings, fright and concern. At times, the 'solution' was a fine line between life and death.

I say this with the utmost of respect for my loved ones, colleagues, acquaintances, and anyone that was caused inconvenience due to the disease of alcoholism and what it does to an individual (first and foremost) as well as to a family. The impact of alcoholism goes beyond just the individual struggling with the disease; it ripples out to affect those closest to them, creating a web of pain and turmoil that can be difficult to untangle. The feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse that accompany alcoholism can be overwhelming, almost suffocating in their intensity. It's a burden that weighs heavily on the heart and mind, leading to a constant cycle of apologies, some of which may feel undeserved or misplaced.

Through introspection and a deepening faith, one can begin to see a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness. Despite the guilt and shame that may linger, there comes a point where the need to move forward becomes paramount. It's a journey of self-discovery and healing, guided by a newfound understanding that dwelling in the past will only hinder progress. While the scars of the past actions remain, there is a determination to not be defined solely by them.

Acknowledging the harm caused is a crucial step towards growth and recovery. It's a recognition of the pain inflicted on others and a commitment to do better in the future. The goal was never to succumb to alcoholism, but the journey through its grips has provided valuable lessons and insights. It's a path marked by struggles and setbacks, but also by resilience and the unwavering desire to break free from the chains of addiction.

While I will never be completely free of guilt and regret, my perspectives and emotions have undeniably transformed over time. The nature of guilt and regret, as I have experienced it for many years, has undergone a change. This shift could be attributed to my decision to truly pay attention to those who genuinely cared for me. Perhaps. What's more significant now is my ability to introspect and realize that my present regret stems from my ego and a lack of genuine listening. Today, I regret not heeding the advice I received. If I had done so, if I had listened to a higher power and stepped out of my own self-centeredness (a trap many of us fall into), I would not be regretful of my actions but of my inaction.

Looking back, I regret not taking action in the program. This is why the program holds great significance for me now, as I am actively participating. I acknowledge my past mistakes and collaborate with many others, encouraging them to also take action to avoid feeling the regret of inaction.

To prevent feeling regret, it's important to take action in everything we do.